


"I fell in love with you; now we can never die"

by carpethefanfics



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 15:13:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15439845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpethefanfics/pseuds/carpethefanfics
Summary: A moment, a memory, after Andromeda has left Ted but before she has been married off. She’s thinking about him, about when she first realized she was in love with him and could never have him.





	"I fell in love with you; now we can never die"

**Author's Note:**

> The second piece in a timeline of four pieces I wrote for Andromeda & Ted.
> 
> Enjoy.

  * Maybe it’s been hours or minutes or days
  * She isn’t quite sure
  * She wonders if the feeling of his palm against her throat is a hazy memory or if its still there
  * She wants to reach up and touch him
  * Wonders if his pulse is beating as fast as hers is
  * Wonders if its because of fear too
  * Fear that her life was never,  **will never** , truly be her own if she walks away and says no to a man she knows all to well
  * But instead of speaking she finds herself falling
  * Almost like shes’s in a pensieve
  * Into a memory she had almost forgotten
  * A quiet night, a cool night
  * Wrapped up in a secret she hadn’t realized she’d been keeping
  * But being out there
  * With a beautiful boy
  * With thick brown curls and soft eyes
  * A laugh that shot through her core
  * Made her realize it
  * **The first time**
  * But she wouldn’t tell him
  * Not that night, not any night after
  * Because telling the beautiful boy that you love him is not in her cards
  * It’s not the hand she has been dealt
  * Not in his
  * But she does love him
  * She  _desperately_ does
  * And being out there with him, even if its only in a brief memory now
  * Well it makes her feel terrified 
  * And fearless
  * It reminds her of swallowing so much firewhiskey her throat is permanently on fire
  * Aching and burning and yearning for more
  * Unlike the thought of her life which makes her feel like she’s buried herself beneath a mound of soil
  * She’s breathless
  * She’s being crushed
  * But she’s imaging the stars above just wishing and hoping
  * For what, she isn’t sure
  * And she’s exhausted by it
  * Because lying there
  * With a beautiful boy
  * Trying not to tell him how hopelessly you love him
  * How painfully hard you’ve fallen
  * How it’s not really firewhiskey but the words that sear you
  * That make you choke and splutter and hurt all over
  * Now she’s trembling
  * And she had let him think it’s because the night was cold
  * Because then he wraps himself around her
  * Presses himself closer to her
  * Traps her in the small space under his chin where her sisters, her mother, her blood doesn’t matter
  * There’s no room for poison and hatred here
  * There’s barely room for a dream
  * And she wants to whisper into his skin
  * _I’d stay like this_
  * _I’d stay here forever_
  * But no words exist here
  * It’s just her heart
  * And although he doesn’t know it, its left her chest before she can stop it
  * It’s taken its roots in the cage that surrounds his own
  * Nestled next to the beating she can feel against her back
  * And she’s empty, standing there in a wedding dress just as she laid on the grass that night, she’s empty
  * Right here, right now, she’s hollow
  * And she wonders if she can let it be
  * If she can let this be the last time she presses her lips to his neck, and his to her forehead
  * If in the morning she can let the secret be buried again
  * If she can let that night, with the beautiful boy, lay with the stars
  * She’ll have to let the memory go
  * And she’ll have to break the cage of his chest to take back what’s hers all over again
  * Peel back every rib bone
  * Sever her heart from his
  * Break it in the process
  * Again
  * But she’ll be breaking it  ** _for_**  him, she tells herself as she takes in a breath
  * As the  **goodbye** crosses her lips
  * Because she has to
  * Because she should
  * Because the day that her mother gets any piece of Ted  ~~~~Tonks is a day she’ll make sure never comes
  * The day that her sisters get any closer than the bruises they’ve already left down his arm will be the last day she’s able to forgive herself
  * Protecting him
  * That’s all Andromeda would ever have of him
  * And this moment
  * And the memories of it that she will keep in the folds of her heart in the days to come
  * In the years that will fly by her
  * In the one moment she’ll have again where she sees him across a crowded street, through a crowded room, on a night just like the one they’re in
  * That smile
  * The rosy colour his cheeks turn when he’s had more whiskey than water
  * And those bright eyes
  * He’ll be standing 
  * Maybe his hand is locked around anothers
  * Maybe he’s standing with his face more full of light and love than she knows she could ever give
  * And, just for a moment, she’ll let the Andy that laid beneath the stars with him rise
  * To bid him goodbye, to wish him well, to hope that everything he ever deserved has been handed to him on the silver trays that line her dining room table 
  * And then she’ll tuck that woman beneath the folds of her expensive black robes, under the golden pins that cling her curls to her scalp, under the ring that will sear the skin on her finger for decades
  * And she’ll turn away
  * But not tonight
  * Not when the way he says her name makes her toes curl 
  * Because she’s right here, right now
  * With a beautiful boy
  * With thick brown curls and soft eyes
  * _And merlin_
  * To have this kind of love beneath her skin at least once in her life is worth the tomorrow that will  **never** come



**Author's Note:**

> http://carpethefanfics.tumblr.com/post/176299135802/i-fell-in-love-with-you-now-we-can-never-die


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